Making Fun, I Need It Version

OK, It’s On To Grantsburg.

Headline in the Burnett County Journal:

Harsdorf's resoltion fails in Senate vote
•Missed the override by two votes
Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Must have been a resoltion on spelling. ReThugs never could spell very well. Takes brains, you know. Emphasis added.

On to law enforcement:

-Sept. 20, Daniel B. Songetay, Danbury, was traveling north on Hwy 35 when he lost control of his vehicle, causing him to go in a ditch, colliding with a tree headfirst. He suffered severe injuries from the accident. It is unknown if alcohol or drugs were a factor.

& it is unknown if reading this entry will cause permanent brain damage.

-Sept. 23, Joseph R. McGeshick, Siren, attempted a u-turn on Herman Johnson Road, but ended up in the ditch, knocking down a stop sign.

Stop sign in the ditch? What the hell is going on in west central Wisconsin? Call the DOT for cripes’ sake.

-Sept. 24, a 2003 Honda Odyssey van owned by Peter D. Porotko, Brooklyn Park, MN, was hit by an unidentified vehicle in the parking lot of Wayne’s Food Plus. The suspect then fled the scene, making it a hit and run.

If he hadn’t fled it would be a “hit & stay”?


Sports. Yes, sports:

Like the ancient, mythical bird, The Phoenix, which was said to be extinct but rose up once again, so did the Webster Tigers rise up from a shaky 0-5 volleyball start to win three matches at the Grantsburg Invitational before falling 2-0 to Grantsburg.

Did ever occur to the reporter to know what the hell he was talking about before writing it down? No wonder schools have such a hard time convincing students that knowledge is a good thing. Has Higgin ever heard of Google? Here’s what the truth about the Phoenix really is:

phoe-nix also phe-nix (fnks).
n.
1. Mythology. A bird in Egyptian mythology that lived in the desert for 500 years and then consumed itself by fire, later to rise renewed from its ashes.
2. A person or thing of unsurpassed excellence or beauty; a paragon.
3. Phoenix. A constellation in the Southern Hemisphere near Tucana and Sculptor

Extinct? I don’t think so.

“Many miscues spell disaster” -

No it spells miscues.

-St. Croix Falls stuns Pirates 17-14 after stalls inside the scroing zone, interceptions and fumbles destroy Grantsburg's chances.

I’m stunned by the scroing zone. I thought that was illegal. I’m also wondering about why there there were stalls in the scroing zone. I thought stalls were in barns.

-Freshman Ben Nelson’s runner’s knee won’t stop him because he’s the fifth runner in Frederic’s success plan -

That’s right, I’m number five, I can do anything - I won’t let my bad knee stop me from being NUMBER 5.

Mr. Higgin, please don't resign, it's just too much fun.