From the front page of my local paper:
As boating season approaches, the Bush administration wants to enlist the country’s 80 million recreational boaters to help reduce the chances that a small boat could deliver a nuclear or radiological bomb somewhere along the country’s 95,000 miles of coastline and inland waterways.
Unfortunately, as my loyal four readers know, I DO NOT HAVE A BOAT. One more reason to throw myself from the ore dock, since I won't be able to protect my country from the invading Canadians. Feeling safer yet?