Thursday, May 05, 2005

Flat Tires

So, it’s time to make fun of some people. I was particularly tired one evening, so I avoided the lefty blogs that force me to think & went on a Wisconsin newspaper search. Although I was looking for some info on Crex Meadows, a nice, public wildlife preserve, I’m mostly interested in the birds there, I stumbled upon a column in the local paper written by a Mr. Byron Higgin. The title of his column is: FROM MY BACKYARD – Our system just is not working. This column concerns one Patty Baker, a true criminal. According to Mr. Higgin, our justice system is broken. Mr. Higgin is in blue.

Case in point. Patty Baker of Grantsburg deflated a lot of tires of Grantsburg residents on several occasions.

Yes, because of Ms. Baker’s deflating tires, our entire justice system is broken. But wait, there’s more.

She claims her medication let her down.

Her medication makes her deflate tires. They let her down, down so far as the pavement, apparently, so she could deflate the tires. & Mr. Higgin has more–

Instead of putting her somewhere to get help or where she will be off the street, she’s right back on the street again.

Well, of course, she has to be on the street, her medication let her down onto the street so she could deflate more tires. & this is why our criminal justice system is broken. Broken by deflated tires.

& it seems like this broken system is allowing Ms. Baker to become even more criminal. she’s injured an animal and again, we throw up our hands and say, why are we allowing this kind of person to walk around?

I’d like to know why, too? Why is Mr. Higgin not telling us what kind of animal Ms. Baker injured? Was it a Norway rat? A Canada Goose? A Holstein? This inquiring mind wants to know. Why won’t Mr. Higgin tell us? How can I defend the poor defenseless animal if I don’t know what kind of animal it is? I wonder if Mr. Higgin is concealing something from us? Is Mr. Higgin a friend of Ricky Santorum? You know, of the man-on-dog Santorums?

& then Mr. Higgin offers a vision of the future that is truly horrifying. It’s almost too horrible to imagine:

Fact is, so far it’s been tires and animals. But what is next — hurting real people?

I take offense that Mr. Higgin doesn’t think tires & animals are real people. What planet is he living on? Boy, talk about being divorced from reality. I’ve had many experience with tire people & animal people. I am usually mad at tire people, for being flat, or because they have a spike poking into them. This causes me great distress. It’s possible, I suppose, that Ms. Baker is at fault, although, I live quite a distance from Grantsburg, WI, & Ms. Baker probably is a Luddite, which would explain her deflating of tires. But Mr. Higgin isn’t totally against people, real or not-real. He wants to help Ms. Baker by fixing the criminal justice system.

Something has to be done — not only for the safety of the residents, but to help people like Patty Baker. Oh, we don’t like the idea of spending a lot of time and money on folks like Patty, but we have got to do something.

Yes, let’s not spend any money on Patty Baker, let’s lock her up, oh, for ten or twenty years. That would teach her to deflate tires, or hurt non-real people like tires or animals. After all, it’s Patty’s medications that let her down, to deflate tires, & we should keep her down, but take away her tire deflating equipment, not to mention her not-real animal hurting equipment. & maybe her name & medications, since they let her down, &, I don’t know, lots of other stuff, because Mr. Higgin doesn’t like broken stuff.


Anonymous said...

Any relation to the Higgins from My Fair Lady? Or maybe in this case not so fair although flat.

Anonymous said...

Oops! my bad to many Higgins and Bakers. Is that the Bakers of racing fame?

Anonymous said...

Higgin was particularly upset because his tires were among those deflated.
A little more than a year ago Higgin was exposed for plagiarism. Anyone wishing to learn details on his "career" can contact me at
I was the one that detected his plagiarism.