A Little Vet Humor

That would be veterinarian humor. Thanks GW.

There are three religious truths:

a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.

Hypocrisy

One of thy names is Roman Catholic Nuns. So much for truth, justice, etc., etc. It's all about the bottom line, just like Rev. Dollar.

"They preach every worker has a right to justice and dignity, but they do not allow that in their own place," said Allen, adding that she supports a union so workers would have representation in disputes such as firings and schedule changes.

The Big Game

From The Kid, over at The Twins' place.

God asks Peyton Manning first: "What do you believe?" Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans." God can't help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Tony Romo and says, "What do you believe?" Tony says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields." God is greatly moved by Tony's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Brett Favre: "And you, Brett, what do you believe?" Brett replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

&, then there is this, also from The Kid.

John Elway, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Broncos flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, John," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." John felt special indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner.

It was a 3-story mansion with a Green and Gold sidewalk, a 50-foot-tall flagpole with an enormous Packers logo flag, and in every window, a Cheesehead.

John looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won 2 Super Bowls, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."

God said, "So what do you want to know, John?"

"Well, why does Brett Favre get a better house than me?"

God chuckled, and said "John, that's not Brett Favre's house, that one's mine."

It will be a sweet win & in the spirit of really despising Bu$hCo, I will not lower expectations by mentioning a big toe....

NOTE: I am not encouraging any of my loyal four readers to attend a church or do that hands pressed together, eyes wandering into the depths of space, promising to not step over Cheney when he collapses in front of them (fat chance any of my loyal four readers would be that close to Dick "Dick" Cheney.) Remember, we can see a touchdown.

Positive Midwestern Sensibility

This is such a solid thing for Keith Ellison to do.

Yet the holy book at tomorrow's ceremony has an unassailably all-American provenance. We've learned that the new congressman -- in a savvy bit of political symbolism -- will hold the personal copy once owned by Thomas Jefferson.

"He wanted to use a Koran that was special," said Mark Dimunation, chief of the rare book and special collections division at the Library of Congress, who was contacted by the Minnesota Dem early in December. Dimunation, who grew up in Ellison's 5th District, was happy to help.

[...]

Ellison will take the official oath of office along with the other incoming members in the House chamber, then use the Koran in his individual, ceremonial oath with new Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "Keith is paying respect not only to the founding fathers' belief in religious freedom but the Constitution itself," said Ellison spokesman Rick Jauert.

My emphasis.

Unfuckingbelieveable

C&L has the story. How low & stupid we've become since Bu$hCo came to power.

Grand Canyon National Park is not permitted to give an official estimate of the geologic age of its principal feature, due to pressure from Bush administration appointees. Despite promising a prompt review of its approval for a book claiming the Grand Canyon was created by Noah's flood rather than by geologic forces, more than three years later no review has ever been done and the book remains on sale at the park, according to documents released today by Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility (PEER).

Another Reason To Live In Wisconsin

Where in the Bible does god say you can't hunt on Sunday? What morons.

"We had some pretty passionate people, people who were for it or against it," Duda said. "The main reason people opposed Sunday hunting were religious reasons."

Blue Laws are just lame. & they accomplish nothing, but to make their advocates look just like the loons that they are. Sorry loons, it's a human figure of speech.

Jeebus

This is about the stupidest thing I've read in a long time. Apparently, these guys have used up all of their brains & ears at NASCAR races.

But he has ditched the nice-guy reflex of always turning the other cheek. When he spots a Wal-Mart clerk writing "Happy Holidays" on a window, he boldly complains: It should say "Merry Christmas."

The clerk erases the offending greeting. Chalk one up for Christian testosterone.

"I wouldn't have done that before," Stephenson says proudly. "I am no longer a doormat.

"

What a man!

Enjoy

Just make sure you're wearing some kind of underwear. Via The General, who doffs his helmet to some guy named Brian. That must mean that this guy named Brian is responsible for the hilarity, or the truth, as the case may be.

Lowered Expectations

Billmon.

If you had told me, five years ago, that on the fifth anniversary of the worst terrorist attack in history Ground Zero would still be nothing but an enormous hole in the ground, I wouldn't have believed you -- just as I wouldn't have believed that a major American city could be thoroughly trashed by a Category 4 hurricane and then left to moulder in the mud for a year while various federal, state and local bureaucrats and hack politicians tried to make up their minds what to do.

I would have said that while those kind of things can and do happen in Third World kleptocracies or decaying Stalinist police states, they're simply not possible in the richest and most powerful nation in history. Even if the voters could somehow be bamboozled into accepting such incompetence, the wealthy elites and corporate technocrats who own and operate the world's only remaining superpower would never stand for it.

You can learn a lot about a country in five years.

What I've learned (from 9/11, the corporate scandals, the fiasco in Iraq, Katrina, the Cheney Administration's insane economic and environmental policies and the relentless dumbing down of the corporate media -- plus the repeated electoral triumphs of the Rovian brand of "reality management") is that the United States is moving down the curve of imperial decay at a amazingly rapid clip. If anything, the speed of our descent appears to be accelerating.

The physical symptoms -- a lost war, a derelict city, a Potemkin memorial hastily erected in an vacant lot -- aren't nearly as alarming as the moral and intellectual paralysis that seems to have taken hold of the system. The old feedback mechanisms are broken or in deep disrepair, leaving America with an opposition party that doesn't know how (or what) to oppose, a military run by uniformed yes men, intelligence czars who couldn't find their way through a garden gate with a GPS locator, TV networks that don't even pretend to cover the news unless there's a missing white woman or a suspected child rapist involved, and talk radio hosts who think nuking Mecca is the solution to all our problems in the Middle East. We've got think tanks that can't think, security agencies that can't secure and accounting firms that can't count (except when their clients ask them to make 2+2=5). Our churches are either annexes to shopping malls, halfway homes for pederasts, or GOP precinct headquarters in disguise. Our economy is based on asset bubbles, defense contracts and an open-ended line of credit from the People's Bank of China, and we still can't push the poverty rate down or the median wage up.

My emphasis.

We're #1, PBR Edition

As a lifelong Wisco resident, & someone who can remember beer bars & an eighteen year old age of majority (for beer only), & someone who gained thirty-five pounds between graduating high school & attending college three months later this is no surprise.

Well, you get the idea.

Finally

The Pope & I can agree on something.

Benedict quoted the saint as advising pontiffs to "watch out for the dangers of an excessive activity, whatever ... the job that you hold, because many jobs often lead to the 'hardening of the heart,' as well as 'suffering of the spirit, loss of intelligence.

Agreement is a good thing.