Saturday, July 30, 2005

It's Saturday Night

We've had a great few days of cool weather, something to sleep to. Tonight it's hot again & I've kept the outdoor light on, attracting moths so I can feed the pet bluegill in the aquarium. It's working. & isn't it amazing that after the ReThugs bribed their own members to vote for the Energy bill, that the only thing in the bill that is making the papers is the extension of Daylight Savings Time? Jesus, isn't that just great? & the pasty-faced moron press secretary can't even tell the press if the bill will or will not reduce gas prices. What ever happened to yes & no as answers to some questions? Anyway, on this warm evening the kid sent the following via the in-laws, it's good for a sad laugh, sad because it's all true.


Subject: Outsourcing the President

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced to overseas interests as of July 30th. The
move is being made to save not only a significant portion of the
President's $400K yearly salary, but also a record $521 billion in deficit
expenditures and related overhead. "We believe this is a wise move
financially. The cost savings should be significant" stated Congressman
Thomas Reynolds R-Wash.).

Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accountability Office, has
studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to
remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash
outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time. Sanji
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the
office of President as of July. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for
the position.

He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health
coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to
handle his job responsibilities without support staff. Due to the time
difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American
Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited
about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday." A
Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should
not be a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable
him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using this tree, he
can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying
issues at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the
Spokesperson. "Mr. Bush has used them successfully for years."

Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately
he will not be eligible for Medicaid as his unemployment benefits will exceed the

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc.
to help him write a résumé and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to limited practical work experience. One possibility is re-enlistment
in the Air National Guard. Should he choose this option, he would likely
be stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited.

"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained
invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's
nonsmoking terminal and gift shop. Sources in Baghdad and Fallujah say Mr.
Bush would receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to
be provided with details of his arrival so that they might arrange an
appropriate welcome.

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